| The overwhelming
majority of circumcised men were circumcised as newborn infants. The
memory of this event is not in their conscious awareness. Consequently,
the connection between present feelings and circumcision may not be
clear. For example, a circumcised man wondering about its effects
said, |
|
It seems to me that there’s
got to be a connection between
circumcision and how I feel about my genitals and my sexuality. It just
isn’t reasonable to me that there wouldn’t be a connection there. I
think
it’s something that’s so deeply buried that it’s going to take more
exploration
on my part for me to get in touch with it. It’s pretty disturbing that
circumcision was the first sexual experience that I ever had. |
Yet the men quoted in “Psychological
Impact of Circumcision on Men” attribute many negative feelings to
their circumcision. Is this attribution accurate, and how did it
originate? We explored this question by interviewing men who contacted
the Circumcision Resource Center and asking them when and how they
first recognized their feelings. Based on their responses, the answer
is in the impact of discovering one’s circumcision as a child. If a
child grows up in a community that has children of differing
circumcision status, it is probable that the day will come when a
circumcised boy will notice the difference. Under certain
circumstances, this realization can have traumalike consequences such
as recurrent unwelcome thoughts and images.
One man told of an indelible scene
when he was four. He was with an intact boy who showed him his penis
and explained circumcision to him. He was shocked and ashamed at what
had been done to him and thought, “Why would somebody want to do that
to me? They just chopped it off. It didn’t make any sense to me.” As an
adult he thinks about it “every time I take a shower or urinate.”
Joanne Dion told of an incident with
her three-year-old circumcised son. While she was showing him his baby
pictures, he noticed one with his penis intact and asked about it.
After his mother explained what had happened, he expressed his
displeasure by saying, “Doctors shouldn’t have scissors.”
The man who stated near the beginning
of this chapter that circumcision was “the single most traumatic event
of my life” related this experience:
|
|
My initial awareness came when
I was about five years
old and playing with the boy who lived down the street. I discovered
that
he had that skin and I didn’t. I don’t remember anything in terms of
verbal
exchange. It’s now sixty years later, and the memory is still very
vivid,
the two of us sitting on his bathroom floor. It had a profound effect,
an imprinting on my mind. Then, when I was about thirteen, I went
swimming
with a friend at one of the local lakes. When we were changing into
bathing
suits, I realized that he was uncircumcised. That, again, was a strong
imprint. Probably those two early experiences were enough to be a very
strong picture in my mind and cause a realization of my loss. I had no
idea at the time of how traumatic it was. I only knew that there was
something
different, and I was thinking about it so much every day. |
Another man remembered his childhood
discovery: |
|
I’ve been angry about being
circumcised since I was six
years old. I was taking a hike in the woods with my older brother and
his
friend. We all had to use the tree. My brother said to his friend,
“What’s
wrong with you?” His friend said, “It’s not what’s wrong with me. It’s
you guys.” His mother was a nurse, and she knew better than to do it to
him. We didn’t know the terminology. We didn’t understand it, but he
told
us that we were born the way he was, and then someone cut part of us
off.
I haven’t talked to my brother about it over the years, but all my life
I’ve been just dying for my chance to get my hands on that doctor that
did it to me. |
A typical case of discovering the
difference is the following story: |
|
The shock and surprise of my
life came when I was in
junior high school, and I was in the showers after gym. . . . I
wondered
what was wrong with those penises that looked different than mine. . .
. I soon realized I had part of me removed. I felt incomplete and very
frustrated when I realized that I could never be like I was when I was
born—intact. That frustration is with me to this day. Throughout life I
have regretted my circumcision. Daily I wish I were whole. |
A man who first recognized his
dissatisfaction with circumcision as an adult reported: |
|
What changed my feeling about
circumcision was recognizing
that this was done to me without my consent at a time when I couldn’t
do
anything to stop it. I don’t see anything wrong with having the option.
I just don’t like the idea that someone made this decision for me. I’ll
never know how it feels to be uncircumcised. |
